Trials and Tribulations of the Mercat Guide Part II

5.... Grave Matters:

Graveyards are strange places at the best of times, but our guides love them. However.... What do you do when you're telling a story about bodysnatchers, at 10pm, in a graveyard, and you realise there’s a man measuring a grave nearby...

Ask him what he is doing? Search him for concealed shovels and body bags? 

We never did find out.

4..... Saved by the Snatch-errr!!:  

It can often be windy on the Mile and you wear lightweight skirts at your peril. Our guide was suitably surprised when a gust of wind blew up a lady’s skirt, showing that she was a true Scotswoman.  Well it just so happened that at the same moment, her mother-in-law’s false teeth fell out in surprise.  Before a vicar could appear chased by women in bikinis, the guide moved on to the next location. The ghost of Benny Hill lives on at Mercat Tours.  

3..... A Royal Ghost in the Vaults?: 

We have heard many strange stories from mediums over the years, some very insightful and accurate. And the others? Well, let’s just say they can have a vivid imagination. It was a difficult job indeed, when a guide was told that the ghost of Princess Diana haunted the Underground Vaults and looked after all the child ghosts there. 

What do you say to that?

Funnily enough, her ghost has never been seen. Ever.

2.... Ghostly Gooseberry:  

Amorous couples are not uncommon on the Mile, but some cannot contain their passion.  The narrow Edinburgh closes have always been locations for illicit liaisons, as our stories can testify. We may not have jumper ooters on our tours, but we’ve had our fair share of “put –ooters” over the years, who are interrupted in their passions by a guide and a group of tourists walking by at close proximity.

At least they normally pause until we’ve passed. 

We thank you for that.

1..... THAT Phone Call:  

In the late 1990s we received a call from a medium, in distress, as they claimed that they had had a premonition. They foretold disaster. Those who were to visit the Underground Vaults that very night were in grave danger from the spirits, who were most unhappy at our presence. Working as a guide that night was not a happy prospect. 

However, nothing happened.

No doubt due to the army of Mercat guides acting as a feeble bodyguard to those working, brandishing holy water and bibles. 

No, seriously, they did!

So that’s the last 30 years of strange things, who knows what the next thirty will bring? 

But like the couples at number 2, we Mercat guides are always ready for action!